He likes me part deux

And I don’t like him back. Could you have guessed?!

I went on a Tinder date a week and a half ago. He turned out to be another one hiding a babyface with a beard. Sigh. Also, he was very nervous, and it was the first thing he said once we met. Double sigh. Though when we went to have drinks and got through the initial awkwardness, he turned out to be a nice guy. Drinks eventually because dinner, but the second I agreed to it, I knew I shouldn’t have. He had his stuff together, was mature, stuff to talk about, and I wasn’t feeling it. I ended things pretty abruptly after dinner. It had been a whole four hours, way longer than I’d usually do if I’m not into someone.

Turns out he did like me, and texted me every single day, and had asked twice for a second date. I take hours replying if I’m not interested, but he didn’t pick up on it. Eventually I told him I didn’t want to string him on and that I didn’t want to continue dating. He was very disappointed. As in; ‘Ah man, I can’t believe it, I really liked you’. Insert sad smiley.

I want to like someone, I really do. But I don’t think it’s fair to go on another date with someone that’s obviously into me and then have to let them down after that. Better to hurt their feelings a little bit before that.

So what else have I got in the pipeline? Nothing. And that’s ok. There are men out there that like me, I just have to find the one I like in return.

He likes me

And I don’t like him back. As usual.

After coming back from the China trip (which was a bitch) I reactivated some of my dating profiles, after promising myself to have more fun with it. So I went on a date with a Tinder guy I’d been chatting with for days. He’s an elementary schoo teacher, which I think is awesome, seemed funny and was physically attractive. He drove all the way to my town and when we met there was… nothing. From my side at least. He was nervous, and it took him a couple minutes to calm it down. And remember how with the bisexual Stud I casually thought he was just in touch with his feminine side? Well, with this one I blatantly wondered if he was gay and in denial. He was a little judgmental, he didn’t like my job nor my employer, he doesn’t travel, doesn’t read, doesn’t like cities and sometimes pinches kids. We had no issues chatting but I wasn’t feeling it. At all.And now he’s still happily texting me and I have to tell him it ain’t gonna happen. I have to. Karma and shit.

On Tuesday I’m supposed to see another Tinder guy for some adult fun, so that’s something at least! I just have to remind myself the world doesn’t revolve around men and that I should learn to be okay by myself. Some days are better than others obviously.

While in China, the Stud sent me messages now and then to say good luck or ask how it went. Pretty nice. He then mentioned he had to be in my city for a competition tomorrow. I offered him dinner and a place to stay and he accepted. And then yesterday, when I asked him what the plan was, he said he was still around for the competition, but couldn’t meet me anymore. He’d made plans to go right to his friend-chick up north as they are having a stand at a flea market on Sunday to fund a trip they were going on. Say what? I got ditched. I then found out the two of them went to see a show just a few days ago. So obviously he prefers her company over mine, spends a fuckload of time with her, and cannot even bother to come see me when he’s in my fucking city. And I thought the new girlfriend was gonna bother me. Oh sure, he did ask me if I am free one night next week. But to be honest, he doesn’t feel like such a good friend that I wonder if he’s worth the hassle. Two weekends in a row with this other friend that he cancels his plans with me for, but sure I can hop over for two glasses of wine before it’s time to go to bed. And yes, I know I need to let it go a little (anyone notice the contradiction?) but I might just have to reconsider the whole situation. I don’t like feeling second hand.

Rejection

The more rejections I receive, the more they seem to get to me lately. That Tinder guy I’d been chatting to for a few nights and was supposed to have a dinner/drinks date with today? The one I thought could finally be a normal date that I deserved? Well, I’m home, writing this, so that didn’t happen. I received a text message in the middle of the night saying ‘I’m going to be a total dick but need to be honest. Going home with someone so it doesn’t feel right to see you.‘ Well fuck me. Got rejected even before meeting. I replied that indeed he was a dick and happy fucking. It’s not that I care if he fucks someone at all, but if you’ve got a ‘project’ that you’re working on, you shouldn’t be on Tinder, let alone making actual agreements to date. I get so tired of this whole dating thing that is leading nowhere.

The fact that his rejection came while I was having drinks with the Stud also didn’t help. I had been looking forward to today’s date, even if only it made me feel adequate that I could do what he did. I needed to have something to look forward to.

So yeah, the Stud came to see me. True to form, he was late. I went to pick him up from the train station and we went to my regular bar. It didn’t take long for him to bring up his lady-friend. He told me he had almost lost his friendship with the other chick he’d been seeing over it, as she couldn’t handle the change in their relationship. She’d been ready to call the whole thing off, he wouldn’t let her. I told him I didn’t feel like he was doing the same for me. I told him I was really not cool with the way he told me by text messaging. I told him that because he chose to do it that way it put things in a new light for me. He didn’t care enough. He was a little taken aback, and said he hadn’t even realized that it would have some sort of impact and how it came across. No shit Sherlock. He then said there was another friend he’d had to tell, that he’d been friends with benefits with before me. They haven’t slept with each other in a year, but when he told her she was heart broken. It had really surprised him and while he understood, he also felt that he had been clear with her the whole time. I told him I was somewhere in the middle. I wasn’t heart broken, but I did take a good look at myself and my reaction that night. And yes, it had also crossed my mind that I wasn’t good enough. And that I wasn’t sure if we were friends. And then, I mentally shut the door. I didn’t care anymore. If we were friends, fine. He doesn’t like me that way and there is nothing I can do to change it. He told me some stuff he’s never told anyone, I told him about my fuck up with the ex last week, and it was all good. We now have stuff on each other I guess.

They’ve already talked about exclusivity, he’s met her child, he’s shown me her photo, and I kind of laughed at myself. If anything, I had been leading myself on. What’s left to do is redefine our friendship. We didn’t really talk about it, and I kind of wished we did, because I still don’t know what kind of friend he thinks I am, but well. I am off to China next weekend and decided that if nothing happens with anyone by then, I am deleting all my profiles. Dating (and the inevitable rejections) is making me harsh and bitter and it isn’t pretty.

Oh well

After the aborted mission of last week with the ex, I came home feeling a bit down. The ‘what if I had gone through with it’ kept lurking in the back of my mind. At the same time, I knew I was happier with that feeling than the irreversible regret of doing I wasn’t one hundred percent happy about. We texted back and forth for a bit, and he mentioned he had a girl flying over from Switzerland the weekend, and another from England to come see him the weekend after that. Right. By then I was a little fed up with the whole thing. I asked him if he had given them fair warning he would not engage in oral sex, but that he needed his dick sucked in return. He kind of laughed it off and then threw in that he just didn’t feel that way with me. Say whut? Was there anything I needed to know? No, he just didn’t feel like it. The honest truth, I was upset with his lack of respect and let the whole thing escalate. I told him I felt it was better to cut all ties. He said he didn’t understand where that came from, but oh well. Oh well. If I needed more reassurance, there I had it. I wished him good luck with all his whores, and that was the end of that.

On the upside, the Tinder sex date  kept messaging me. He asked to see me again and then settled on a weekday last week, which he had to cancel because he didn’t feel well. I was bummed. And horny. He immediately wanted to set up a new date, and said he was afraid I found him too much trouble and call the whole thing off. Guess he picked up on the ‘I-ain’t-taking-no-shit’ attitude. And so we rescheduled for last Saturday. As I had to be in his town anyway, he was quick to offer me a place to stay, and even came to pick me up from where I was to go back to his house. While walking (in heels, ugh!) he mentioned that he knows someone at my company, and that he’s told this person that he’s dating me. I wouldn’t call what we’re doing dating, but anyway. He’s got a tiny but super clean apartment, made me a drink, showed me a few videos of the festival he went to, and then jumped on me. Super easy. He’s a great kisser, and loves it too, if only he didn’t nearly rip out my nose ring while going at it, but oh well. We moved into his bedroom, and quickly got naked. His oral skills hadn’t improved greatly, but with a few subtle pointers, I quite enjoyed it. Again, I had to do some work to get him hard, but he got there. He threw me around a bit, I got a few good swats on my ass (yay!) and then he told me to sit on his face while I sucked him. No need to tell me twice. I don’t know what he did, but his fingers and mouth where everywhere. He had remembered my comment about ass play, and when he worked my ass while licking me, I came so hard I lost the plot for a bit. I don’t remember getting such a fantastic orgasm since the Musician. He asked if I was ready to fuck. Hell yeah. He was kind of sweet about it, he seems to want to make sure all the time I am okay with what’s going on. The shitty thing was that he lost his hard on after only a minute or so. I don’t know if it had been taking too long (a good two hours) or if it was the condom, though he didn’t say anything. Eventually he finished himself off. All good, though I always love to actually fuck. We’ll see how he gets on a third time, if there is.

Also, I am meeting the Stud on Saturday. I had told him straight up his message about his butterflies for a forty year old with a kid didn’t hit me as well as I had anticipated, even though I had had my doubts about him for a while. I actually hadn’t contacted him for a good two weeks, thinking that if he wanted to see me, he could make the effort. I told him since that sleepovers were no longer an option, he should come to my town since I was a little tired of the traveling back and forth. So, I’ll see how that goes, the likely scenario is that he’ll kind of forget to talk about what we’re supposed to (even though he even suggested it) and then I am too chicken to bring it up and wait until the last minute. I am kind of determined to not let that happen; he wanted to talk, so let’s talk. I’ve got some preparing to do. Like figuring out what the point is.

Finally, I have a Tinder date set up for Sunday. A normal date. I’ve been talking to this guy for a couple nights in a row, and he sounds pretty awesome. He’s got a man bun, works for a web designing agency, rides a motorcycle and plays the guitar. He seems to have stuff to talk about and doesn’t seem shy about the whole thing. So we’re going for drinks on Sunday afternoon, and dinner if we’re having a good time. I deserve a good date, for crying out loud.

Done Chasing

My Tinder sexdate from last Saturday happened! Up until an hour before, he was still texting me, and I could tell he was anxious. I told him we’d go for a drink, and if either of us didn’t like it, there was still plenty of time for him to get home. I was getting a little irritated myself, but when he got on the train, I went to pick him up. When I arrived at the train station, he was already there, and relieved to see me, as he’d been worried the bag-lady at the door was me. We went to a bar and while I could tell me was a little nervous, it was fine. He was a talker and I think he’s  just naturally a nervous person. He looked like his photos, though he was a little shorter than me and maybe he looked a tad older than his thirty three.

We had a few drinks, and when they cranked up the music, he wanted to leave. He paid (!) for the drinks, and off we went to my place. Had another drink, and thankfully he didn’t wait too long before making his move. After making out for a while he said he was glad I was a good kisser. Great. Off to the bedroom. We quickly undressed  each other, and after he pushed me down on the bed, he immediately went down on me. I remember the times when you wouldn’t do oral on one night stands, but I ain’t complaining. Unfortunately he didn’t excel, and so when I got bored I flipped him on his back, and it was then I realized he still had his briefs on. Even more, when I took them off, he wasn’t hard. Oh boy. My efforts by hand only got him half hard and he then told me to not worry, sometimes it took a while. Okay. I switched it to a sixty nine, and while he licked me, he put a finger up my ass. I came right then and there. I love ass play and loved that he’d picked up on it somehow. In the meantime, he had gotten very hard, and I could taste the pre-cum. Time to stop. I got him a condom, and he fucked me in missionary.

He fell asleep quite quickly afterwards, and even though he’d told me he was a spooner, I don’t think he touched me all night. In the morning, after a bad night’s sleep for me, I wanted him to go. He wasn’t into morning sex, which is fine, but then I want you out the door by nine. He did not. He took forever getting up, wanted to talk about the sex, and finally got up at ten thirty for a shower after I’d told him to a few times. He was gone by eleven. All in all, definitely a good experience, no different than picking someone up at a bar, and I’d do it again. He texted me that night he’d had a good time and good sex, so I guess it worked for him too.

Then, the guy I had a date with on Friday night has been in touch as well. I say in touch, but really it’s been me. I am the one to initiate messaging, and even though he responds super quickly and enthusiastically at that, I don’t think I’ll message him again. If he wants to see me again he’ll have to make some effort, and if not, that’s fine. I’m not gonna chase after him.

The Stud texted me last night to ask how my weekend was. I told him I’d had a date and a sleepover, which is his euphemism for sex. If he tells me about his little adventures, why wouldn’t I? And then I didn’t hear from him for a day. When I texted him this evening to ask what was up with that, he sent me a bunch of messages about himself. Not one question about my being sick (which he knew) and what not. And then he said he would be a little busy for the next couple weeks when I asked about meeting up. Call me suspicious, but in my mind, that’s an excuse for ‘I don’t really want to.’ And then he told me he had finished the business case for the sponsoring thing, and just needed to translate it. Well well. I feel like I am being used. So the plan is to wait for the case, respond to it professionally but inconclusive, and then wait for him to come up with a meet-up plan that is worthy of my looking at his business case. And if he doesn’t in the very near future he will get a piece of my mind.

I hate being used, and I have a sneaking suspicion he is in it for just that. Have the fucking guts to say it then.

I am very close to being done with him if won’t make some serious effort soon, and I am done chasing all these men. I’m over it. I’m tired. I deserve better.

All the sex

I fell off the blogging train! It’s taken me forever to write, and I wish I could say I have had a million dates or found Mr. Right in the meantime, but none of that unfortunately. I have been busy, July has seen a heatwave, an airplane fell out of the sky, my sister has moved to another country, and I’ve got a work trip to China coming up. (yay)

Let’s start at the beginning. The Stud. Yup, still in the picture. I even saw him two weekends in a row. Last month, he asked if I wanted to come to a festival in his town. It’s a traveling festival of small theaters that promote their new season by putting on thirty minute shows for cheap. So there’s a bunch of theater tents, food and wine out in the open. It’s awesome. And because he had worked on two of those festivals in other cities (because he works for a theater) he got us free entrance, food and shows. Sweet deal. So I went to see him on a hot Friday afternoon, wearing a hippie dress, determined to make up for the non sex last time. So we wandered around and saw a few shows. He asked me what I thought of two, which put me on the spot a little bit since he knows theater and I don’t, but I think I managed. When we went to get dinner the conversation drifted to dating once again and he mentioned how he still didn’t understand how he managed to ‘get’ me. I decided to bite the bullet and tell him a little bit about how hard it is for me to talk about feelings, and how I take things as disinterest when I don’t feel someone is engaged. I told him how I hadn’t felt like our first date and that I had been pleasantly surprised afterwards, which made him a bit shy. By the end of the night, we’d drank three bottles of wine between us, but were not feeling buzzed. We went to see another show, and called it a night at around one in the morning.Back at his house, we had another glass of wine but both of us had trouble getting it down, and we were pretty tired. So, off to bed. We get right to it, and I have to say, while the sex itself is good, it’s kind of the same every time. He fingers me or eats me out, I do the same for him, he gets on top, and then we switch until he comes. Perfectly fine, but I feel like it should be more adventurous, especially considering his background. Then, when he rolls off the condom, he asks if it’s possible I’m bleeding. No. Fuck. We examine ourselves and the condom, and see nothing, but the inside of the condom is a little pink. When I clean myself up in the bathroom, I see that it was definitely me. Crap.

The weekend after, when he comes back from a kid’s birthday party at his friends, he asks if I feel like coming over and watch a movie. The weather is shit, and couch potatoe-ing together sounds pretty good. I pick out a movie which turns out the be boring, and we both have troubles making it to the end, so instead we just make out. When we get into bed, he quickly puts me where he wants me and goes down on me like he hasn’t before. It’s awesome, and he’s so into it, I come fairly quickly. It’s made him super hard as well, and I happily suck him off. I guess I’m one of those few that actually likes giving head, especially when my efforts are being appreciated. When he tells me to stop so he can put on a condom, I ignore him, and just keep going. I don’t want to be dealing with blood this time around. He warns me he’s coming, but I still don’t stop and take it all in. He’s pleasantly surprised with my change of plans, and I just smile. The next morning is lazy, but when he comes out of the bathroom with a hard on, I practically jump on him. I’m not satisfied yet, and want a proper fuck. He gets the message, starts licking me quite roughly and isn’t afraid to use his teeth. And then before he can get back into his own routine, I maneuver myself on all fours in front of him, and he gets the message. He went to town. It was awesome.

And then last week, he texts me saying that he has a cheeky question. How would my company feel about sponsoring his sports team on their way to a world cup in twenty fifteen? I was so disappointed he asked that. I hate feeling like people use me for that kind of stuff. And it’s worse when friends ask. I have given him stuff before, but from my wanting to. I guess now he felt like it was worth a shot. To me, it meant he hadn’t listened to me at all when I had told him all that during dinner. I took a day, and then turned the situation around. I’d put him to work and let him work out a business case. I won’t do anything with it. But in return I can now ask him for stuff. Like the use of his city apartment when he’s not there and I want to go partying.

Then yesterday, I had a date. It’s through a new website that’s a little pretentious. You have to get invited, and then get accepted by people that judge your photos. But I made it. I got to talk with a cute guy, and chatted with him two nights straight. We then switched to text messaging, and on Thursday he asked if I wanted to go for drinks. I did. I was quite excited to meet him, conversation was super easy, we have a colleague in common, and he seemed to be super relaxed. He did admit he was a bit shy, which made me a little anxious of having to lead the date (hate that) but he wasn’t at all. As soon as we met we hit it off, and pretty much talked until I had to get back on the train. He took me to two real nice places, and then dropped me off at the train station. This morning he texted me his ice bucket challenge. I would definitely go on a second date with him, though I didn’t think there were any sparks or anything.

And tonight I am supposed to have a Tinder sexdate. Yay! He should be here in a couple hours, though I half expect him to cancel still, or to not go through with it on the spot. He has a big mouth, but he comes off a bit immature and needy. He fires random questions at me (are you spiritual?) and admits he’s a little nervous, though he’d been bragging about going home with every single date he’s been on. And he was a pain in trying to set this up. He wanted me to come to his place, which is fine, but then went into a lengthy discussion about where we should go because he doesn’t live downtown. Maybe we could meet at the train station so that we could see if it was gonna work. Hell no. I am not coming to be looked at and then then turned down within 5 minutes and then having to go back. I told him he was a pain, and I think he realized he might not get laid this weekend, because now he’s coming to my town. We’ll have a drink and see how it goes. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt because he’s so hot, and I hope my gut feeling is wrong on this one!

He brought his dog

Last Friday I went on a date with the Tinder guy with a houseboat. He came to my town, which is always a plus. When I was waiting for him, I saw a guy come out of the parking garage, but doubting if it was him. Who would bring a dog to a date? Well, he did. He came straight off a boat he had a job on, working boots, torn shirt, and paint all over himself, his beard and his clothes. Eh… ok. I’m not judging. We went to my local bar, and sat outside. It was a little awkward at first. He was very relaxed, of the kind that doesn’t need conversation to have a good time. I kinda do. We talked a bit, silence. Talked a bit, silence. And I decided to not try so hard. He was on this date also. He didn’t ask a lot of questions, but told me bits and pieces about himself. I like the whole hippie thing, but he was on the other end of my universe. He lives on whatever boat he works on at the moment, does not own anything except for his car and dog, plans on sailing the world one day, gets bored if he makes too much money, so whatever he earns goes into his own boat. He squats in an abandoned school to have an address, has been married and ran a coffee joint in a windmill he owned with his ex-wife. I mean, wow. He seriously doesn’t give a fuck about anything. We called it a night after three drinks, I took him back to his car, got a big hug, and off he went. The next day, he messaged me on Tinder (while he has my number) asking if I had seen him to anything with his phone, because he lost it. I hope he’s not insinuating I took it.

Just a couple nights before that I went to dinner with a friend of mine. After several rounds of sushi, she was up to date about the situation with the Stud, and we decided to go for drinks. We went to this totally laid back bar by the water, where you sit in the grass or share your pick nick table with strangers, and get your own drinks. While my friend got the first round, two guys asked if they could join us. Absolutely. We ended up talking to them the whole night. My friend, who is engaged and has a child, hit it off with the guy with a girlfriend and a huge want for kids, so I was left talking to the most attractive, single one. By the time we looked at our watches, my friend freaked out as she’d missed the last bus and had no idea how to get to her car she’d parked way out of town. The guys very nicely offered to give us a ride. So her new friend went to drop her off at her car, and the other gave me a ride on the back of his bike to the train station. When he asked for my full name to look for me on Facebook, I figured it was save enough to ask for his number. By the time I was on the train, he had already found me, and so I sent him a message in return. Turns out he’s coming to my town on Friday, and asked if I wanted to do it again. Sure thing. Date it is!

And then there is the Stud of course. We have been in touch only a little, he’s been super busy working on the weekends. When he did text he asked again when we should go for drinks because he still had some explaining to do. I told him we’d do it when he was on holidays and relaxed. His holiday starts tomorrow, so should be soon! My friends seem to think this could turn out to be the good news conversation, but I still have a hard time believing this, and I really don’t want to put too much thought into it so save myself a lot of disappointment.