Yes, in quotes. Because when I told Anna this story, she high fived me, but when I told my best friend Brooke (who knows all my dirty little and big secrets) she was a little upset with me putting myself out there again. I still feel okay about it, but here is the story on how I took ‘revenge’ on Sean a few weeks ago.
I had a work related drink in the city that he lives in, and had kind of forgotten all about him, until I ran into him at the last bar we were at. Or actually, he ran into me. He tapped me on the shoulder and wanted to know why he hadn’t heard from me. Talk about straightforward. I gave him a lame excuse about being busy (I’ve never been good at telling men the truth face to face) but I did tell him that I felt like each time we met, he put me in an awkward position. We small-talked for a while, until he said he’d love to cook for me and just talk for a while. My mind was racing. I hadn’t had dinner yet, most importantly. I knew what kind of ‘talking’ he meant, and there were two things I could do in my mind: say no and go home, say yes and treat him like he’d treated me. I opted for the latter, being the wonderful human being that I am.
And so we went. He did cook. He did ask me a few questions. We showed me some music stuff he had been working on, and tried to jump me in the middle of it. I pushed him way and told him to take it easy. I made him sit it out for an hour, and once we got busy, did very little to help him going. He got it up alright, we fooled around for a bit, and he thought I’d be ready to go without him having even touched me below the waist. Not happening. I told him he might want to put some effort into it, and he got to it. Kind of. Expectedly. He messes around for a bit, flips me over and takes me from behind, and surprise surprise, he loses it after a few minutes. I wasn’t too disappointed as I had been prepared for all of it. He keeps trying for a bit, and then gives up. To be fair, I had been going through the motions only and not being very helpful in that aspect, which must have been very attractive, but hey.
He lays on top of me for a bit, kisses me and plays with my breasts, and then gets off the bed. I don’t think so. I ask him if he wants to help me out there. He has the nerve to ask me what I mean. Oh my. I tell him I want to get off. He gets back on the bed, and starts feeling me up, but that’s not what I want. I tell him to go down on me. Literally. He moves down a bit, messes around, but doesn’t go below my waist. That was exactly what I was expecting him to do, he’d never gone down on me, so I kind of wanted to push him and see if he would, or if he has more issues. I don’t believe in having to return the favor sex-wise, but after out history, tonight I was. I laid there for a bit, waiting for him to move down, and he didn’t. I tell him again. Literally tell him to put his mouth on me. He does nothing, lays on top of me breathing as if he needs to catch his breath from all the non action.
At this point, I am more amused than upset as my assumptions have been confirmed, but I don’t want him to know. I push him off me and clean myself up in the bathroom. When it’s his turn, I sit on the bed, and check my phone app for the trains. What usually would happen is that I woud stay and leave the following morning like all is okay. But not tonight. I saw that I had 25 minutes to catch the last train. I raced to put on my clothes, and when he came out of the bathroom, he asked if I wanted to go to a bar. ‘No, not really,’ And I started putting my socks and shoes on. I can tell he’s a little taken aback as he’s unsure of what I’m doing. Do I want to watch a movie? ‘No.’ Silence. Am I going home? ‘Yeah… (intentional awkward silence) I kind of have an early morning tomorrow. And long day.’ Oh. Won’t I be home super late? ‘No… well… kind of, but I really want to go now.’ He is clearly confused. Do I want some water before heading out? ‘No.’ I put on my backpack. I told him to have a good night, and I left.
It may sound lame, and karma is going to bite me in the ass for this one, but it felt good. He did exactly the same as he had in previous meetings, which was nothing, and I liked giving him a taste of his own medicine. And I liked leaving him hanging, and hopefully feeling like shit as he knew I was leaving due to his non performance.
Speaking of karma, I got a message from Sebastien last night, asking if I was still upset. I told him no, but that he had irritated the crap out of me. He said he understood, was sorry and wanted to take me out for a drink to make up. I don’t know what to do. He might have told me the truth last week, and he probably realized he better be nice as he’s got no one else to fuck. Any advice?
Anyway, I will leave you with this as I go on retreat for a week on Saturday. Lots of nothingness to clear my mind and relax for a bit. Who knows, I might come back with a clear mind!