When the dust settles

As usual, I wonder if I overreacted. The pain of rejection has subsided and my two feet are back on the ground.

He sent me a friendly message to ask if I was alright. And I am, I really am. I have booked myself to be ridiculously busy during my 2 week holiday break, and now that I’ve got it off my chest, I feel a lot better.

And then I start thinking. Was I in love with the Ginger? No. Did I think I could ever be? Yes. Did I become emotional just because I was rejected, or because I didn’t realize how much I liked him? I can’t make up my mind. Would I be ok seeing him again knowing he doesn’t like me that way and might never? Probably. Am I telling myself these things because I am missing intimacy? Maybe.

All in all, did I make a mistake by reacting so quickly and should I have taken some time to think about how I actually felt about him before telling him I couldn’t see him again?

If I were to tell him that, how does that come across? (Don’t worry, I won’t just yet in this state) He’d probably think I’m saving my face, lying or desperate. Or confused.

To what extent did I fuck up?

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