Roadblocks

I have struggled a bit (a lot) trying to find inspiration and motivation to blog again. Have you noticed? I feel like lots happened, and nothing happened at the same time. It’s been five months since my last post, and while I never stopped dating completely, I did take it very easy. It’s been a summer of festivals, parties and there have barely been weekends that were not planned completely full. And, I’ve bought a house in another city! Especially that one feels huge to me. It (I thought) meant having to make a final decision between settling down and continue to travel the world. Only a few weeks ago I realized one does not cancel out the other. So I made a big commitment, but I feel like it will force a much needed change.

The biggest reason I didn’t feel motivated to write was because nothing changed, and I felt like I had not progressed even a little. I am still single, got frustrated, disappointed and even upset all over again. I spent a lot of time thinking about the whole dating thing, all things I’ve written about before here. My Facebook feed is flooded with engagements and marriages this summer. People flutter from one relationship to the next and I’m still where I was five months ago. But sometimes, just sometimes I am quite pleased with that, especially when I remember to have fun with it. But a lot of times I get a little bummed, when I haven’t managed to overplan my weekends and I sit alone on a Friday night. I think we all know how that feels. FOMO, anyone?

Anyway, it’s not like nothing happened at all. There’s a few things worth mentioning just because they’re good stories.

During the heatwave this summer, I set up a date with swimming pool guy. He had a pool in his backyard. I saw possibilities, try and blame me. We went back and forth a bit and settled on a swimming date only a date later. Not in his pool, but we went to a lake close by. He came and picked me up by car which is something I normally wouldn’t do, but I could not muster the thought of riding my bicycle in the heat. We both brought stuff to fill a picknick basket, and off we went. We found a quiet spot, took off our clothes and jumped in. I didn’t really care getting in bikini on a first date. Conversation was easy, yet at times a little awkward. He wasn’t much of a talker. When we finally made out I found out he wasn’t a great kisser, but to be honest, I just wanted to get laid. So we got dressed, he got a good look, and I made him drive back to my house.

We skipped etiquette, stumbled onto my balcony, and got naked pretty quickly. When he asked if I wanted to take my panties off myself or if he could rip them off, I told him to do it. I wasn’t wearing anything special. I was not disappointed, he was very rough about it. It didn’t take him long to figure out what turned me on. He put his hands around my neck, and there wasn’t much I wouldn’t let him do. We took it inside where he went all out. The fact that it was so freakishly hot added to the whole dirtiness of it. We were both drenched in sweat, not in the least place because we took hours. More specifically, he took hours. HOURS. And then he didn’t, and I was over it a little. It was three in the morning, and I had work the next day. He didn’t seem to mind much, we jumped in the shower, and he asked if he could stay.

We had a quiet breakfast in the morning (which I made him, why?!) and then took off. When he texted me later, he said that he thought the sex was amazing, and fantastic and hot and he’d like to see me again for that, but that he didn’t feel a spark. I told him I was fucking tired of people yakking about sparks. That I was sure he had enough ladies in his contact list to fuck, but that I wasn’t going to be one of them. I was tired of being good enough only to fuck, and at that point I didn’t want to be another fuckbuddy. Looking back now I could have kept him on, but I wasn’t in a good place. I didn’t want to do that anymore.

So I’m back again, continuing to be in good spirits I hope! It feels like I’m always talking to someone, one of these days it has to happen right? I am leaving the best story for the next blog. I’ve been super high and super low on that one, but it’s a long story.

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She’s back

I’ve been gone for a while! (If you noticed) First because fuck all was happening, and later because my grandfather passed away. However, I’d like to think I’m back on track!

Nothing really happened over the past two months; I went on one or two dates (equally boring) and I gave up on it for a little bit. When even your Tinder dies out, it’s time to cut your losses. That being said, last week I was ready to jump into it, and started off with two dates.

Date number one was with an actor. I didn’t know of him, but when I googled him, he sure looked familiar. Turns out he won a few awards at Cannes last year, so there you go. It didn’t make me nervous, but I did wonder if I’d be able to tell if he’d be able to act his way through the date. We went for drinks, and had an overall pleasant evening. I was taken a little aback when he took a phone call, though he asked if it was okay and apologized later. It was one of those dates where you have no idea of the other person is into you. We have been in touch since, initiated by me, and when I asked if he was up for another one he said yes, but yet I haven’t heard back on his availability. Guess he wasn’t into it after all.

The other one was with a potential new friend with benefits. I haven’t had one (or sex!) for a while, so I opened up auditions. I had told him beforehand I’d be on my period so the sex part would have to wait a bit, but he was fine with drinks. He was thirty-five minutes late. I had just finished my drink and was gathering my things to leave when he walked in. While he was apologetic, I felt a little bitchy about it. I’ll blame it on period hormones. Also, he smoked, and he was a little thinner than I usually preferred. It took me a while, but eventually I loosened up a bit, and we managed to have a nice evening. He paid the full bill and took me back all the way to the trains, so he was actually more of a gentleman than any other date I have been on lately. I am seeing him on Wednesday to see if he meets the high standards he’s set for himself!

So I guess I’m back in the game. I’m not ecstatic about it, as we all know, but I’m stubborn.

He called me a bitch. Sort of.

I went on (yet another) Tinderdate last week. He’d been nice to chat to, but a day before our date, confessed to me he was still living with his ex, and asked if that put me off. I told him that it depended on the situation, but for now, no. To be honest, normally that would definitely put me off, but I told myself that it would only be an issue if I ended up liking him. And, given my track record, that’s what probably would not happen.

He came, through the storm, and we went for a drink. Immediately when he walked into the bar, I knew. Nah. I wouldn’t be interested. He looked a bit older than his pictures, was bald (though I should have known since he wore hats in all of his pictures) and while he looked friendly in those pictures, I found him to be quite harsh. He had strong opinions about everything. His job. The people in it, people around him. He asked me loads of questions, I in return, did not ask him about his ex. He wasn’t interesting to me and I knew I wasn’t going to see him again, so there was no point in collecting that sort of information.

Somehow we got to talk about differences between men and women, how they fight, and then he asked me if I was one of ‘those unreasonable women’. I sure am. ‘So you’re kind of a bitch then?’ I think my eyebrows touched my hairline, and he knew he’d gone too far as he physically moved back a few inches. In all fairness, if it comes with a good joke I wouldn’t mind much, but he was dead serious. Not cool.

I ended it shortly after, using the getting up early for work excuse, and saw him off. And deleted him shortly after.

So, another unsuccessful date. I have to admit I’m getting a little tired of the dating. I like meeting new people, I don’t mind spending money on a drink here and there, but at the same time it is discouraging. At the moment, I’ve got nothing in the pipeline, and that’s ok. It’s a scary thing to admit, because I don’t want to be alone. I’ve been alone for thirty one years (give or take a few short lasted flings) and I don’t want to die alone. But all of my effort is not paying off.

It always makes me think of my (in my mind) almost fifty year old flute teacher when I was twelve. She was probably a lot younger. But, she was single, and lived alone. In my twelve year old mind, that was a horrible, sad, lonely thing. And to this day, I tell myself I don’t want to be like her. But I’m getting there, and that freaks me out.

He brought his dog

Last Friday I went on a date with the Tinder guy with a houseboat. He came to my town, which is always a plus. When I was waiting for him, I saw a guy come out of the parking garage, but doubting if it was him. Who would bring a dog to a date? Well, he did. He came straight off a boat he had a job on, working boots, torn shirt, and paint all over himself, his beard and his clothes. Eh… ok. I’m not judging. We went to my local bar, and sat outside. It was a little awkward at first. He was very relaxed, of the kind that doesn’t need conversation to have a good time. I kinda do. We talked a bit, silence. Talked a bit, silence. And I decided to not try so hard. He was on this date also. He didn’t ask a lot of questions, but told me bits and pieces about himself. I like the whole hippie thing, but he was on the other end of my universe. He lives on whatever boat he works on at the moment, does not own anything except for his car and dog, plans on sailing the world one day, gets bored if he makes too much money, so whatever he earns goes into his own boat. He squats in an abandoned school to have an address, has been married and ran a coffee joint in a windmill he owned with his ex-wife. I mean, wow. He seriously doesn’t give a fuck about anything. We called it a night after three drinks, I took him back to his car, got a big hug, and off he went. The next day, he messaged me on Tinder (while he has my number) asking if I had seen him to anything with his phone, because he lost it. I hope he’s not insinuating I took it.

Just a couple nights before that I went to dinner with a friend of mine. After several rounds of sushi, she was up to date about the situation with the Stud, and we decided to go for drinks. We went to this totally laid back bar by the water, where you sit in the grass or share your pick nick table with strangers, and get your own drinks. While my friend got the first round, two guys asked if they could join us. Absolutely. We ended up talking to them the whole night. My friend, who is engaged and has a child, hit it off with the guy with a girlfriend and a huge want for kids, so I was left talking to the most attractive, single one. By the time we looked at our watches, my friend freaked out as she’d missed the last bus and had no idea how to get to her car she’d parked way out of town. The guys very nicely offered to give us a ride. So her new friend went to drop her off at her car, and the other gave me a ride on the back of his bike to the train station. When he asked for my full name to look for me on Facebook, I figured it was save enough to ask for his number. By the time I was on the train, he had already found me, and so I sent him a message in return. Turns out he’s coming to my town on Friday, and asked if I wanted to do it again. Sure thing. Date it is!

And then there is the Stud of course. We have been in touch only a little, he’s been super busy working on the weekends. When he did text he asked again when we should go for drinks because he still had some explaining to do. I told him we’d do it when he was on holidays and relaxed. His holiday starts tomorrow, so should be soon! My friends seem to think this could turn out to be the good news conversation, but I still have a hard time believing this, and I really don’t want to put too much thought into it so save myself a lot of disappointment.

Anticipation

First things first; the cliche about tall, blonde Scandinavians are true. And they’re all hipsters. Oh my. Heaven.

When I got back; I received a message from the Stud asking how it was. We went back and forth for a bit; until he asked me how I’d liked the Vikings. Had I taken advantage of them? No, I had a roomie. That doesn’t mean anything, he said. I joked that I behaved myself and that I’m not that kind of girl. He said that can be interpreted in a few different ways. All in all; he really wanted to know. When I asked if I should be quizzing him as well, he informed me he had not had sex this weekend, intentionally, and that it had to do with his visit to me. I seized the opportunity and asked if it was ‘the other girl’ that had come over, as he’d told me days before. Yes, she was. Why no sex? Turns out, he had told her about our weekend (I wonder how you get to that point in a conversation with another woman) and that she had told him she thought he was too casual, his moral was a bit too loose for her liking, and she’d feel like a number if she slept with him. All good points. So, he didn’t intentionally not have sex, he was denied.

I guess his visit to me ruined that for him. I asked him exactly that and said that I was under the impression he didn’t want to have anything casual at the moment. He said people changed. Hence his visit to me. I stared at my phone for a good while. It sounded like he was lucky not to have had to pay for it. Couple hours later, I told him I was sure he didn’t mean it the way it came across, but that I could not think of an appropriate response as he was leaving a lot of room for interpretation. He immediately apologized, said he didn’t mean that, and suggested we talk about this face to face. While I think that’s a really good thing and I am happy he is taking it seriously, I do think he will tell me things I don’t want to hear. Either way, we’ve been in touch a lot; told me he loved a photo I uploaded, and is being super interested in my new nephew. (I’m an auntie now!) We decided to meet when he’s off work for three week, which will be starting next week.

Dating wise nothing much happened. The Tinder guy I really wanted to meet last week has been flaky. He wanted me to come to his town real bad, and tried real hard. He lives an hour and a half away from me. I don’t think so. We then scheduled for tomorrow, and yesterday he gave me the lame excuse he thought it was next week Wednesday. Eh no. Moving on.

I’m talking to two more guys that are quite interesting; one is a Canadian that lives by the beach (good enough reason) and one total hippie that lives on a houseboat and I have fantastic conversation with. We talked about seeing the football game together on Saturday, so let’s see.

Tinder… the sequel

I am ecstatic to report my dry spell has been broken. And here’s the story how.

As you might remember, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder last Tuesday. Yeah, the bisexual. I was still as excited about it as I was earlier in the week, and when he suggested dinner, I was pleasantly surprised. I haven’t been on a dinner date in a while, usually it’s just drinks. He had asked if I had any day plans, but I’d told him yes as that would have been an exceptionally long date considering this was the one where I’d probably stay over. So we agreed on meeting at 7 at a cool burger and wine bar.

I probably was a little nervous as I always wonder if they’re going to be as attractive as I remember, but as soon as I walked in and saw him waiting at the bar, I was at ease. He was exactly the same. Seriously hot. We had to wait for our table and had no issues talking, like last time. I warned him that I had gotten two wisdom teeth removed surgically earlier in the week, so I had an excuse if I wasn’t holding my liquor very well, and also for chewing on the one side mostly. Charming, no? Well, he sympathized.

Eventually we got to our table, and sat there for nearly three hours while we ate, talked, I made a mess of myself, he admitted hamburgers was probably not the best idea for a date and we drank. When the bill came, he straight up said he’d loved to pay, but wasn’t able to financially, and hoped I didn’t mind splitting. Fair enough, I can appreciate that. Off we went to a bar for another drink, but I was starting to wonder if I had been misreading things. As lovely as his company was, he wasn’t flirty, or touchy-feely at all. Not one bit.

We had one drink at the bar, where he ran into some colleagues, and eventually suggested we go back to his place for a last one. Seeing as it was past midnight, and I did have work the next morning, I readily agreed. He lives in a small apartment, right in the middle of the city, could not get any better location wise, and I figured that’d come in handy in the morning when I’d have to run for my train home. He had a beer and I switched to water, being a little nervous my stitches would dissolve with all the alcohol or something. We sat and chatted and I was really starting to second guess myself. This could become awkward real quick. He would inch closer every now and then, but not enough to convince me to go for it.

At 1:30 in the morning I told him it was time to go to sleep. I was confused at this point. If anything were to happen my night was going to be short and shorter, but he was impossible to read. So instead of making out and falling onto the bed, we just stripped down and got in. It took him another half hour or so, but finally, I think he had scraped together enough courage to give it a try. He was way too hot to be that hesitant.

I gotta say, it was worth the wait; the sex was hot! If I had any worries he wouldn’t know what to do with a woman, they vanished quickly. He’s a biter (love it!) completely went to town on me, and enjoyed it, too. As did I. Not only was he hot with his clothes on, when the clothes came off he still was. And, it had been a while since someone has been able to make me come with just their fingers. He took care of me, and I returned the favor, but wanted a dick inside me, so rode him there. Glad I did, because I have never seen a guy fill up a condom as much as he did.

By the time we went to sleep, it was well past three. He got a firm hold of me, and started snoring away. Every now and then I had to give him a push to make him stop so I could fall asleep, and I think I probably got about 2,5 hours before my alarm went off. It didn’t wake him up, so I slid out of the bed, and quickly dressed. By the time I was done, he was still sleeping. I stressed for a few minutes. I absolutely hate it when they don’t wake up (or worse, pretend not to) and you don’t know what to do. Eventually I figured that since this was a second date, I’d wake him. He, of course, was totally fine, and I left.

It was weird to me that someone so attractive was apparently not confident enough to take the lead and secondly; that a guy like that was into me. I guess we both had our insecurities. But today we’ve been exchanging texts and expressed that we’ve had a good time and would like to see each other again, so hopefully soon!

Tinder Date!

That’s right; last time I was complaining about nothing happening, maybe if I complain sooner next time it’ll speed things up!

So on Tuesday, I went on a date. We hadn’t really talked much, as usual, and I wasn’t very excited, as I am having a long week this week. But I went. On the day itself, he suggested two options, and asked where I wanted to go. I knew neither, so had a quick google and picked the one that as closest to the train station. When I checked with my friend Anne, she immediately called me to say she was impressed, and it seemed like he was making an effort. Supposedly, it was a fancy place. Great. When a guy goes through a lot of effort, I get nervous that they don’t go out much. Twisted, I know.

Anyway, when I walked into the bar, I didn’t immediately see him. There were all couples, and there was only one guy sitting by himself, but that couldn’t be him. He didn’t look like his photos. Matter of fact, he was much hotter. Seriously. But then he looked up and recognized me, and I realized I was the lucky one! He had a bit of a hipster look, but not quite, and dressed well. We kissed hello, ordered wine and hit it off. He was pleasant to talk to, has an interesting job in theatre and is athletic. But the first half hour or so, I was nervous about being out of his league. His type isn’t usually into me. So every time the waitress came by to ask if we wanted more I expected him to cut her off and call it a night. But he didn’t.

So we talked, drank, he was impressed that I knew which Japanese movie he forgot the title of, and he made me laugh. Eventually, they threw us out as closing time was coming up, and I had to catch my last train home. He walked me back to the station, and we literally passed by his front door, to which he said ‘This is where I live, if you want to stalk me’. He dropped me off, and we said goodbye with a regular peck on the lips.

I have to say that he was the best date I’ve been on in a long time! Something has to be ‘wrong’, right? Well. During the course of the night, it became clear that he’s bisexual. I wasn’t very surprised as a few times I thought he seemed in touch with his feminine side, but at one point he mentioned that while his last relationship was with a woman, the one before that was with a man. And on Tinder, he looks for both males and females.

I thought about it on the way home and also the next morning. Bisexuality doesn’t bother me one bit (if he is in a relationship with one person at a time, that is) but I found it hard to say whether he had been into me or not. I hadn’t really picked up on any clues. So when he texted me the following morning, I was pleasantly surprised. We went back and forth a bit, and eventually he said that I would have been welcome to stay over, but it had seemed like I’d wanted to go home.

That new strategy of not sleeping with men on a first date backfired quickly. I told him that that was not the case; but that it hadn’t really come up and so I didn’t know if it was an option. But next time soon? Next time soon indeed. Sunday, actually! And I’m excited about it, too!