Where do I sign?

The douchebags on this website… are quite funny.

Schermafbeelding 2013-10-23 om 19.58.04

This jackass for instance. Sometimes I reply because I can’t believe they’re for real. This one replied with a lengthy post in Dutch about how he was looking for ‘willing little sluts’ to train. I find it hard to believe people like this have any kind of game, but hey. This one might be a little slutty sometimes, but no. Hell no.

The day before

I turn 30 I am carrying so much irritation. So, in an attempt to vent it out, here goes!

I’ve been talking to this guy from OKC, he seems alright, though he’s not my type at all. Sometimes you gotta try something else though. Especially after I told him I am not traveling to his city (whatever happened to a guy coming your way on a first date) because I am tired of traveling for bad dates, and he was a good sport about it. And then I made the mistake of giving him my number. He has been texting me 15 times a day, and today called me when I did not respond. 1; more than 2 texts a day is a turn off for me. 2; I do not do phonecalls. After me not answering, he sent me another message asking when is a good time to call me. By now I am completely turned off and contemplating blocking him. I do not want to have to explain why I don’t want to talk to the phone and get into that conversation. I’ve already lost interest and don’t want to talk about ‘what my other hobbies are.’ Lesson learned. No number giving. Would I be a total bitch if I blocked him off and online?

Then someone (I can’t call him boyfriend) that I took a long time getting over got back in touch with me. He had disappeared into thin air, and 18 months later, here he is. Me being in a happy place didn’t care so much for his comeback. I wasn’t gonna get sucked back in time. There was too much of a cultural difference (He’s in India, an awful story I’ll have to tell you later) and we couldn’t even start looking at options. So we casually exchange messages every now and then about random things. Then one day he calls. Those phonecalls are super expensive, especially for him, so he keeps it short and before hanging up, apologizes heartfelt for disappearing and how he’s hurt me. To my surprise,  (while I accept the apology) I also realize I didn’t need it. Yay. But then somehow he must think he’s in the clear again. Every time we message, he wants to manoeuvre the conversation back to where we left off 2 years again. I didn’t respond to it for a while, and let it go, but then became increasingly irritated. The reason he would call or text at 4am his time is no other than any other guy would; a bootycall. Then last night the same conversation happened and he tried to call me to talk about it. I didn’t answer, he got mad and I ended straight up telling him I’m no slut that is readily available for what he is missing out on back there. Ugh. There is so much more to this story, but it just added to the list of boiling frustrations yesterday!

Lastly, my family is irritating the crap out of me. Here, it is quite common that if someone is turning 30, something is organised for them as it’s quite a big deal. Since I have no partner it would be on my family. I have a brother, sister in law and a sister, and neither of them, nor my parents are feeling compelled. Instead, I am receiving 8 messages between them of when they should be coming over. They know I never celebrate my birthday, and the least I want to do for this one is sit in a circle and drink tea, which is what will happen. Can they not just be a little spontaneous? More over; I am always there for their birthdays, but once again, my brother has cancelled. Third year in a row.

I probably sound petty and am overreacting, but I feel like it’s just adding up. And I a finish typing up, this guy just called me again. Argh!

That time I went speed dating.

I don’t even know where to start. It wasn’t bad… but it was.

So on Thursday me and Selma jump on a train to get the the venue. Both of us had not particularly dressed up, deciding to stick with casual. We got soaking wet in the rain, to the point where my socks were actually wet. I should have take that as a sign. We get in the door, and it turns out the be a bar with little atmosphere. It’s divided up into 2 areas, one by the bar (yay) and one in a room they probably use for events, with harsher light than necessary at things like these. Anyway, we went to register and put our coats away, stealing glances at the people that had already gathered. Let’s just say that the women were much more attractive than the men, and we seriously contemplated running.

We stayed, and it were the women that had to switch tables every 4 minutes. Yes, 4 minutes! An eternity. Turned out they did not have enough people, there were 18 men and 14 women. If I would have been a guy or paid full price, I would have been pissed. Most of them were normal guys, not very interesting, but not horrible either. Most 4 minutes passed easily, but man, it is draining. There was not 1 guy that excited us, and I went into survival mode, and decided to have some fun myself. The ones that I really was not interested in, I told I was a yoga teacher. That’s always a hit, and it didn’t fail this time. Selma was less amused as she came right behind me and had to deal with ‘are you her friend? Do you do yoga as well?’ questions and the like.

There was this one guy though, this was his 30th (!!!) speed dating event. I nearly fell off my chair. He went every Thursday and Friday. He was painfully shy, very unattractive, overweight, farmer that had no hobbies other than his car. He kept staring at me, in that way that makes most women super uncomfortable. I stopped talking at one point (there’s only so far I’ll go) and he didn’t say anything and just stared. He ties with another guy that played the church organ, came from a very religious family, and had once (get this!) bought a ticket to the Philippines to meet with a lady he’d met online. And she cancelled on him a day before he was supposed to leave…Seriously. Where do they get these people from? During break time we mostly spoke to the other women and we all shared the same consensus. Go figure. We downed 2 glasses of wine, and got the hell out of there.

The next day, we got out results. 11 guys had said yes to me. Told you the yoga teacher thing works. Try it! I had said yes to 2 guys, and those put me down for no, so that was an evening well spent! In all fairness, if you go there with no expectations, it’ll be  a fun night. But for us, even though we laughed at the whole thing, it was just weird. We’ll be sticking to the bars and online dating from now on.

Am I being punked?

I was hoping to be able to blog about my POF date with a good looking French man I was supposed to have tonight, but he never came through unfortunately! Oh well.

I think someone is yanking me around this week. I am on OKC, and I’ve also made a POF profile as I have grown bored with OKC and the men there. I was a little too excited than necessary to find it’s not only for the North America market. On both websites, I’ve gotten the weirdest messages and yesterday, 4 requests for a sex date. Needless to say I wasn’t into that. Not only because one didn’t have a picture of profile filled out, one was in Turkey (he must have a loooong dick) and one had a ‘cute’ hotelroom and the other one… well, I don’t remember. By the end of the day, in a pissy mood after a day filled with draining meetings, I may have replied to one or two saying something along the lines of ‘do I look like a whore to you?’. Anyway, just for fun; these are some of the funkiest messages received this week.

just to let you know that i know how to treat a woman like myself and like a baby,becouse i love a kid so much if you have kid i will treat them like me and like my child,i love and i care also iam very romatic, i am very honest when i am in love and when it come to a relationship ,please i love your profile and i will love to know you better,what is your real name and what do you think when you are lonely.please reply me here or my email… 

You scare the crap out of me!

On a cold and rainy night, I place my head upon my pillow and fell into a deep sleep. 
I dreamed of a place that only beauty was, there was no rain or cold. Only a warm and beautiful day was ahead of me as I walked now this road. 
I meet an amazing bird on the road and I asked the bird, “How can this place exist?” The bird said in an interesting voice, to follow him. So, I did and he led me to the most beautiful meadow of all kinds of sweet smelling flowers. The Bird pointed toward the waterfall, I walked closer to the waterfall and what do I see? The most amazing beauty of all this place, I fall to my knees, and look up to see someone that no man could ever put words to, many men many try to put into words, but have never found the right words to explain this beauty. 
I can only say…. Before me as I looked up, I could see YOU. 
With lips as sweet as the honey that drips from the flowers of the fields. Eyes that could make the world come to a stop as I would fall deep into those deep pools of excitement. 
As you walk into the flowers of the meadow and the birds and deer followed you. I stood up and tried to follow, I try to call out your name, but I did not know your name. 
So I called out what my heart said to call you…. ANGEL…. ANGEL! 
You turn and look back at me and smiled, my heart stopped and melted. Your smile has done me in. 
I woke to the cold rain and wind blowing outside and wished I had not woke from this dream. Would you help me get back to this dream of, My dream Angel? 

I am the dreamer…..JIM 
You are the DREAM

First of all, I don’t have the patience for an essay. Second; you’re halfway across the world and 61. I think I’m gonna pass.

Hi! I’m Dimi. 
What about casual sex right now? 
I’m pretty handsome 
I love giving oral sex 
I’m from Moscow, Russia and staying here for a couple of days 
I have a cute room at a hotel…

He’s so handsome a picture would be totally superfluous.

And then there’s MiamiHeat, who has 3 semi nude pictures, mentions he has a 22cm dick, likes to take care of himself and wants me to teach him yoga. (Hey, I’ve never heard that before!) And he’s the one that makes me think I’m being punked. The way he writes his messages, the things he says, his punctuation, the way he tried to get info out of me…. Sean, that better not be you.