She’s Fourty

It happened. The Stud texted me last night, and in a conversation about each of our weekends, he mentioned that he had been on a date last Friday. And then proceeded to tell me he is feeling butterflies. Excuse me? I asked if this was someone that would change his mind about not wanting anything serious. He said he’d go into it open minded and see what happened. A little offended, I told him that at least he could now stop waiting for someone better to come along. He said that wasn’t what he was doing. I told him I didn’t want to talk about it.

She’s fourty and has a three year old. Seriously. She’s pretty (yes of course I looked her up) and I couldn’t help but be upset. More so than I thought I would be. He said he didn’t want a relationship. He does, just not with me. And as much as I knew that, it still hurts a little.

Even though I had been in so much doubt about to what extent he was using me, and if it was turning out to be more of a benefit for him than me, my reaction to the news was significant. Today I told him just that. He was understanding, and had kind of seen this coming by me not wanting to talk about it. He suggested we meet after the weekend and talk about it, face to face.

I’m not sure what the point is seeing as I am not good enough and apparently never will be, but it might be good to get it off my chest. If he doesn’t change his mind. I have always said he’s not a dick, and this is his chance to prove it.

All in all, I’ve got myself to blame for this one. I told myself I could do it when clearly I cheated myself. Maybe I should put the whole dating thing on hold for a while. It’s definitely not been working out for me lately, and there’s only so much rejection I can take.

Encounters & Dates

I did it. Call me a loser. I signed up for an actual dating site. Paid and all. One of the first messages was from a guy my sister used to date for a few months. (He never met me, so doesn’t know). I’ll let that one pass. Curious to see what it brings!

I never heard back from the OKCupid yoga guy I was supposed to have a second date with. Guess he was as enthusiastic about me as I was about him. Also, I told the Tinder survival guy I had enjoyed the evening with him, but didn’t feel any chemistry and so didn’t want to lead him on. He said it was a shame because he had wanted to ‘try’. Ok… moving a little fast.

I ran into John earlier this week at work. As usual I was spacing out while getting my lunch together in the restaurant (Really, I should pay more attention, whole batch of hot guys start at the beginning of the year) and he stopped me to chat. He had heard (how?!) that I took four weeks off to travel to India next month and seemed to want to tell me how cool that was. Then asked how my holiday break was. We chatted for a bit until he had to go. As I said before, he looked fit, and does not behave like a jackass. I am convinced that he likes me. And determined to make him admit it. Working on a strategy here!

Then, Louis started emailing. He had heard (again, how?!) that things between me and the Ginger had not worked out. I guess I am now free range again. He sends me inappropriate emails and likes being very ‘naughty’ again. Needless to say, I am not into it. But as we will be working together on a project next month, things should be interesting. What both of these situations tell me is that either I give off pheromones and these guys can smell it, someone is a little too happy to overshare, or they have been curious and went fishing.

Speaking about the Ginger. After NY he texted me to say happy new year and asked how I spent the night. I was brief but polite with him, and cut it off quite quickly. I haven’t heard from him since, and I have to say that that’s working for me. All those dates are helping as well.

And so tomorrow, I have another Tinder date! He’s 35, no clue what he does and all, but we’ll find out tomorrow. He’s awfully good looking in his pictures, so something must be wrong with him. Keep you posted!

He’s back.

Louis. The colleague that cheated on his girlfriend. With me. And that’s exactly as classy as it sounds. I hadn’t contacted him after I returned from the US 3 weeks ago, and since I hadn’t heard from him either, I figured that was the end of it. Wrong. I got a text from him on Monday saying that he was just back from holidays now. We texted for a little bit, he tested the waters, I wasn’t so into it as I had been. Yesterday I had a meeting in his building and I didn’t see him, but an hour later I received a text that read “you shouldn’t wear those jeans if you don’t want them to be taken off.” It made me smile, but I think I’ve cooled off from the whole thing, and I am kind of surprised he hasn’t. What the hell is wrong in that relationship?

Also, life is hard when you fuck up. John is a dick after all. I ran into him a few times this week. He was alone, I was alone, and he completely ignored me passing by an a deserted hallway. Nice. So tomorrow, we are supposed to go on a group run, and I know he is going. Thursdays is my yoga class at work, but also I want to go running. Though the idea of facing him is holding me back. Just don’t feel like it. So what to do? In my language we have a saying that translates into something like ‘shine for your absence’; and I think I might just do that and go to yoga. At least I won’t make an ass out of myself in front of him and avoid any awkwardness.

Ugh. I just want someone to tell me it’ll all be ok. And I could do with a good hug.

Oh and also; I started talking to a professional rugby player from Fiji online who is just too good looking to be real. If his pictures are for real (and they look like it) he is way out of my league. But hey. So worth a shot!