When I didn’t hear anything from the Stud for a while, I decided to call him last week. As I mentioned in my last post, since we’d been on four dates and all, I felt like I deserved at least some sort of explanation. So I called, half expecting him not to pick up. He did, and sounded happy to hear from me on top of that. We chatted for a while, and then he asked if I’d like to meet up now that I was back, maybe he could come my way this time? Hell yes. We agreed to call each other later that week as he had to go.

On Saturday, I received a message from him, we exchanged a few, until I asked him if he still wanted to meet up. He took a while to respond, and I knew what was coming. Yes, he would like to see me again, but I had to know he was no longer interested in casual sex, it wasn’t making him happy. Fair enough. I asked him what he did want, knowing that his disinterest in casual sex did not mean he wanted to be serious about me. He said he wanted to just meet and see how things went.

And so we met the next day. I was a little nervous it would be awkward, but it wasn’t. We went for a drink, then dinner, then more drinks, and it was every bit as nice as the previous four dates had been. Only this time I knew I wasn’t coming home with him, as much as I wanted to. I asked him how he felt about dating, and he said he had cut off all of his casual contact. Except for two. Me, and another girl he has been seeing since November. With her he’s actually recently had a ‘are we in a relationship?’ talk, and they decided no. He also said he sometimes still has a hard time with his failed marriage. He doesn’t like being alone, but realizes he needs to be, and it is not fair to string anyone along at this point, as he has too many things to figure out.

All very fair. I appreciated his honesty, and the fact he did this face to face. So where does it leave me? We continue to be in touch, and we will still see each other. Platonically for now, and if ever a spark happens, it happens, but it is not something he wants right now. And I am actually at peace with this situation. Realistically, a serious relationship with this man was probably not in the cards anyway and if it was, it would have been a messy one. He is very attractive, he’s great company and so if anything, I made a new friend. And who knows, one day.

Though I am not waiting around for it. I’ll continue dating, and we’ve kind of told each other to be honest. If feelings change for either one of us, it’s time to have a conversation.

So, do I have any dates lined up? None whatsoever. Ugh. Nothing interesting has come up on Tinder recently, and my dating websites have been eerily quiet. Maybe I should give dating a rest. Not that I want to, but sometimes it just makes me so tired to put myself out there time after time. When is it going to pay off?

Also, earlier today, I received a message from the Musician. He used my full name, asked my how I was, and then politely asked about my recent holiday. Uh… what do you want? He wants to know if I still work for my current employer. Yes, I do. Can I hook him up with a few things? I don’t think so. I have no intention of helping him out whatsoever. He ruined that a long time ago. He then inquires about my dating. I tell him I have met someone fantastic and am very happy. He doesn’t need to know. He tells me he is still happy with his Scandinavian chick. Well, good luck to you my friend. He ends with a ‘I’ll speak to you later. X’. Nah.

I felt a little weird after that, I did not need to hear from him, but after an hour, that feeling subsided. I seem to be in a comfortable space with the men in my life. And the ones that are not anymore.

6 thoughts on “Peacefulness

  1. It’s a bit awkward keeping in touch isn’t it? Some exes make good friends, some just want a backup for drunk booty calls and that sort of thing. Musician doesn’t sound good. But it’s very nice that you can have such mature conversations with this Stud, it sounds very positive.

    Men can be stereotyped to be just pigs, but in fact there is an emotional toll on casual sex for us. Who knew? There are stages, phases, and everyone is different… Something all humans figure out as we go along.

    May I share. My last ex who really broke my heart, I wanted to have a deep relationship with her and she wanted to just be fuckbuddies or something. In the meantime I enjoyed our thing for what it was, in the shallow way as well of course, but after a while I had to know if we could be more. I told her that she couldn’t string me along anymore, it hurt. We needed to be clearer if we’re just friends or have the potential to be more. Giving me false hope wasn’t fair. We stopped, but then relapsed from time to time, until it all blew up in the end in a massive explosion of drama. Now we can’t even be casual acquaintances, it’s terrible to bump into each other around town (and we have mutual friends, damn). More mature conversations early on would have been better.

    • I never stay in touch with exes, let alone be friends with them. The Musician especially, as he treated me like shit, and somehow he still thinks I’ll help him out. Go figure.

      I do feel very mature about the Stud! I didn’t think I could be okay with it the way I am.

      Sorry to hear about your ex! Sounds like a tough one. Usually it’s the women that want to have conversations like that, isn’t it. I think sometimes we don’t realize (I know I don’t) that men can feel the same things and need us to be clear about what we want. But sometimes it’s just hard to have these conversations too. So much insecurity 🙂 The really sucky thing is if you can’t avoid each other like you guys! I hope that situation will get easier for you.

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