Thank you India

I am back! I spent the last 3,5 weeks in India, and it has left me loads to contemplate, as usual.

But first things first. Did I see the Stud before I left? Sure did. I flew on Saturday night, and we were supposed to see each other on Friday. He had mentioned he might be a bit late as he would be coming from his dad’s house, but 10 pm is what I call a bit more than late and more like a bootycall. But I went. He was tired, and not completely present. We quickly called it a night, and continued conversations in bed. Naturally we had sex, perfectly normal sex, and woke up early the next morning as he had to leave the house at 9. We said goodbye with a kiss, he got on his bike, and I went to the trains. I all too well realized there had not been a ‘see you in a month’ or anything like it. And worse, I also realized I had left my bangles on his coffee table. Crap. I left with a bit of a heavy heart that night.

India was, once again, crazy. And amazing, and extravagant and dirty and full on and loving. This was my fourth trip, and even though I loved it, I did not lose my heart like I had in previous visits. There were some epic things, I met some fantastic people, saw wonderful places, and got my fair share of unwanted attention. But since this is not a travel blog; I will share two appropriate stories.

I met Veer when he lived in Amsterdam two years ago. We hung out quite a few times and hit it off so well initially that mutual friends were asking if they should start preparing wedding invitations. Unfortunately, nothing ever happened between us. He was either shy or not into me like that, and I was not willing to put myself out there. We did continue meeting though, and kept in touch when he moved back to India last December. So while I was there, he came to see me, and we spent three days together. We went hiking, went to ganga aarti ceremonies, dinners, the whole shebang. We even shared a room. It was funny to see how he had adapted to his surroundings. He was much more assertive than I remembered him to be. When men would stare at me for too long he would take off his sunglasses and give them the stare of death. Quite the turn on. And yet, even when sharing the room, he did not make a single move even though I practically invited him to. He’s far too westernized to put up a ‘good Indian boy’ front, so I had no choice but to accept he wasn’t into me like that. Bummer.

I also met up with Kunal in New Delhi. We have been friends ever since the first time I came to India, five years ago. Quite some time, strictly platonic. We used to have good conversations on differences in the east vs the west, he has traveled a bit, comes from an affluent family and so our correlation had been established long time ago. I was only in Delhi for my last night before going home, and he took me out. We went to a fancy area in town, and enjoyed a few drinks on a rooftop bar. We hadn’t seen each other in a year and had lots to catch up on. After an hour or two we got hungry, and decided to move to the next place. He paid the bill, and down the dark staircase we went. Downstairs, in a deserted lobby, he suddenly grabbed my hand and announced he was going to kiss me. I beg your pardon? I told him no. He asked why not. I said no again. This sucked, we still had to go through dinner and he was my ride back to the hotel. After the initial minute of awkwardness, he got over himself, and we managed to have a nice dinner. He dropped me off at the hotel afterwards, and said goodbye with a hug. Not a word on the subject.

Until the next day. He sent me a text asking if I was upset. I didn’t know if I was, so I told him no. Good, then he wanted to know why I had refused him? We were having a perfectly good night, I had no reason to refuse him at all. I could have just done it. Instantly, I fumed. I sent him a harsh text saying that 1; I was not attracted to him in the slightest (truth) and 2; I was seeing someone back home (kinda true, I hope). He jumped on it by saying he was sorry, he would never have done it had he known I was involved with someone. I told him even if I would not have, I still would not have done it. I had no obligation to him whatsoever, having a pleasant night does not entitle him to anything. He threw out a few cliches about western women and our morals. I swear I had steam coming out of my ears. I had lead him on by going to dinner with him and so on and so on. I sent him a very mean text about his own morals, poor education on the matter and how disappointed I was he had to confirm a stereotype. He apologized, but naturally things have not been the same. I have lost a friend and I am disappointed with myself for misjudging him. It has left me with a bitter feeling about that part of my trip.

So I have been home for a few days, back to work already, and before the weekend, sent the Stud a text that I was back home. And I got nothing in reply. I had texted him for his birthday when I was out and we’d gone back and forth for a bit, but now, nothing. It has been a few days, and he has been online constantly. He has seen my message. My point is; we’ve been on four dates, he has even gone as far as to take me to his father’s house, at least have the decency to say ‘hey, sorry, a month was too long’ whatever. I do not handle the ignoring well. If after a one night stand; fine. But not four dates. So again, am I jaded for thinking he is another asshole, or is he busy and I just need a bit of patience? He might have realized he’s not that into me after all, but dude, grow a pair and tell me. Hopefully I am just being impatient, but it does not feel good. Maybe he’s out of my league after all.

To make myself feel better; I am going on a date with another guy from Tinder tomorrow. I don’t even know if I have been rejected, but I better get over it before it hurts!