but. Yup, I got that one yesterday. In other words, I got dumped. I was hoping to be able to write something happier about the Ginger, but here we go.
He got back from touring last weekend, and as usual, we’d been in touch pretty much daily. I was looking forward to his return and seeing him again, but when he hadn’t asked about meeting after a few days, I did. He said ‘sure’. Well that didn’t sound too enthusiastic, and when I asked, he told me he wanted me to know he wasn’t head over heels, and felt that I should know. He thought I was great and loved spending time with me, but didn’t think it would go beyond that. Well fuck me.
I told him I kind of had thought that way and thanked him for his honesty. Then, I asked him to delete some of the photos I had sent him. Nothing explicit, but still. To which he replies ‘is it all over then?’ Uhm well, isn’t that what you’re telling me? So I said that if he didn’t see it going anywhere seeing him would be awkward for me and kind of pointless, because I did like him. He said he understood, and had just wanted to see where I stood in this thing. (Seriously, what’s wrong with a phonecall?) I decided to suck it up. Told him it was a bummer for me, but tough luck. And said that I felt led on by all the texting. (Why else would you do that if you’re not into someone?). He apologized. Coming back to his question of it being all over, I asked him what he wanted from me. He said ‘I dunno… friendship?’
So that’s that. He told me twice he thought I was really great and he really liked me. But apparently not enough for anything serious. I would have been happier if he’d said I was a bitch. Because what’s missing then? I kind of got the idea he was expecting me to be ok with it and be open for meeting up for sex (or indeed friendship, who knows) and did not expect me to put an end to it like this. My friends agreed, thinking he might come back after realizing what he had after it’s gone, but I doubt it. And it doesn’t make me feel better. I cried for about an hour last night and then got it together. I do feel better today but I feel like I lost something. Which is weird.
I have to admit I miss the daily texts. I have to sit on my hands to not send him a note. I don’t hate him, he’s not a jackass. At least he was honest and clear and didn’t drag it out for months. He deleted his online profile today, maybe he realized women actually want more from you if you’re on a dating site. Also, I feel a bit lonely. Another fail.
Do I text him? Do I be nice and show him I can be friends if he wants to? Show him I am actually fantastic and see if he’ll turn around? Ugh. Help!