The big third

So remember when the Ginger cancelled our third date right before he went on tour? Well, last Sunday he came home. We had a date set for Monday. But before that, on Sunday, I had a little bit of a freak out.

When he was on the train going home from the airport, we were texting back and forth, and he mentioned how he just wanted to relax on his couch with a movie. And then somehow the conversation progressed into having me come over for a blowjob, because what’s better than a movie and a BJ? Stupidly enough, I played along for a bit, but the more and more he kept going, the more I felt backed up into a corner. Yes, I wanted to see him, but I was fully aware that I would give off a signal of being easy and available as a friend with benefits if I were to go. Normally, I would have taken the easy option, avoid talking about it, and just do it. In this case I could do just that, I could not reply to his messages anymore, which would be weird, or I could tell him how I felt, which I never do. I opted for the last option after having a mild panic attack. I didn’t want to come across as needy, but I liked him too much to ruin everything by going there. I told him exactly how I felt; backed up into a corner. He immediately picked up the phone and said that was the last thing he wanted. It started as a joke, and I would stay home and we’d see each other tomorrow and have a fun date. Pfew. I figured if he ended up canceling the next day after all; he’d be a jackass and I’d know what he was after.

He didn’t cancel. He ended up having to cover for a friend for a teaching job, and so he came to my place late in the afternoon. We were supposed to go out and do something as both previous dates, we basically ended up at home. But it turned out he was too tired from traveling and all. We went for about an hour because he wanted to see my town, and then went back home. We talked for a bit, watched some TV and then jumped each other. I have to say I did most of the work. He definitely wanted that blowjob. He’s quite responsive and appreciative, and I enjoyed it alright. He made me stop before he came, took me to the bedroom, and flipped me on all fours.

Afterwards we showered, talked about random stuff, I cooked dinner, he helped out, and it was perfectly comfortable. We watched a movie and went to bed. In the dark, we talked for a long time while he held me. Or rather; he talked and I listened. Eventually, we fell asleep. In the morning we had breakfast and he left just before noon to do his laundry before flying out the next day again.

After he left, I felt a bit sad and didn’t quite know what to do with myself. That feeling subsided, and the next day my insecurities came back in full force.

We were supposed to go out but had yet another house date. I feel like we should be doing exciting stuff to get to know each other. He doesn’t ask a lot of questions. He listens when I talk, but he doesn’t enquire much. I didn’t come. He texted to say he had a good time but appears to be a whole lot slower replying than before. It was too comfortable, easily perceived as boring. I don’t fit in his arms. We didn’t talk about anything important. At all.

So, all in all, I feel like I’m in the dark. Will I see him when he gets back? I hope so and I will definitely ask him to. But I wish I’d have felt more confident after date #3, and I don’t.

The photo thing. Again.

So the Ginger. Two dates, a third postponed due to his busy schedule. He’s on tour currently, scheduled to come home on the weekend. We are in touch every single day, initiated by him fifty percent of the time. He asks about my day, remembers what I’ve done. Good right?

Yeah. Well I feel a little weird. Maybe sad. He’s asking for pictures. Yet again. In the past I’ve learned this is not a good sign until you’re in an actual relationship. It worries me that I might have misinterpreted the signs and he might see me as something casual, or a friend with benefits. Why would you ask for nudies after two dates? He doesn’t ask in every conversation, but occasionally it comes up.

I am not interested in friends with benefits. I only do that if I am not attracted to them and do not anticipate that to happen. I can’t do it with men I like. And I like this one. And no obviously there have been zero conversations on each other’s expectations, but am I over-analyzing this?

He’s gone from home for a couple of weeks, does he like or miss me in any way that he keeps in touch yet asks for pictures? He’d have enough opportunities to get laid I reckon. Have I sent the wrong message by sleeping with him already and subsequently ruined things for myself?

Enlighten me, please 🙂

How a cancellation made me feel better

Last night I was supposed to see the Ginger again. We’ve been in touch every day leading up to yesterday, even when he was on the road. So yesterday, when I was in meetings and he was messing about on his days off, he texted me in the morning to say he still hadn’t received his ticket for today. He knew he was supposed to be flying in the afternoon, but hadn’t seen anything yet. Talk about last minute. I told him he could even go to the airport from my house as it’s closer, and he said he’d be at mine at around 8.

So after my meetings, I raced home, got some food, took a shower, and as I was about to put my clothes on, he called. He wasn’t going to make it. He had only received his ticket an hour before, was at his parents’ house, and was supposed to fly at 7 in the morning today instead of the afternoon. He’d have to rush home, pack his stuff, throw everything in his van and then drive the hour to me, store his stuff at my house and leave his car to take a train to the airport in the morning, and all of it was just a bad idea.

And I agreed. Yes, I was disappointed, and I could tell he was as well, but I also understood the pickle he was in. He apologized and worried if we were still ok. I said we were. I didn’t forget what he’d said at our first date. And then he said the schedule had changed. He now had 4 days off on the middle of his tour, and he would take a flight home so we could spend time together as I happen to have time off at the same time. Maybe we could spend some daytime together instead of just the nights and see how that worked out? Hell yes.

He was quick to point out he wanted to spend time with me, and felt like a bit of an ass for having to change stuff around again. He then said he had a lot of time off in December and January as well, and we should make good use of that. If we don’t disappoint each other on day dates I guess, so let’s see.

So yes, I feel good about the whole thing. I feel like he genuinely tries, in spite of his busy schedule. Hopefully the groupies won’t change his mind 🙂

The Ginger… Continued.

Yes, there’s a part 2! We had been in touch quite a bit after that first date. When I returned home after the workday, I found a bunch of coins in my bed that night. I took a picture, sent it to him with a joke to say thanks for the tip. Later, he told me he had been driving and almost bumped into another car laughing so hard. Pretty quickly, he said I should teach him yoga, and he’d teach me to play the piano. We settled on Wednesday.

When I mentioned that it would be a short date considering I would come to his, which is a good hour away, and after work at that, he very coyly asked if I wasn’t going to stay? Obviously I was. I took a train, got to his city at 8pm, and he picked me up to go back to his place. When you have a first date at a bar with noise, people around and things to see, house dates could be terribly awkward if it turns out you have nothing to talk about, so I was a little nervous. But when I got into the car, everything was fine.

His apartment was a typical man flat; black furniture, musical instruments everywhere and bare bulbs on the ceiling. I wasn’t bothered by it. He’d done some wine shopping, and we talked, and talked. He’s a lot more expressive than I am (though he hasn’t really picked up on it yet) and mentioned how he sometimes feels lonely coming home from a tour, but at the same time struggles with knowing there’s things he will have to compromise on considering how hard he works and how much he loves what he does. We were interrupted a few times, by his parents that called, a friend that dropped things off, but none of it was awkward. We talked some more, tried to watch a movie, but then went to bed as there was no point.

And then as soon as he dropped his pants I couldn’t help but laugh. He was wearing boxer briefs with a big tiger on it. I poked fun at him a bit for being so badly prepared for the night, and he quickly admitted I had done a whole lot better. Sex was good, we had fun with it, and we were perfectly comfortable. Afterwards, we talked for a long time, but I didn’t ask him about his remark from last time. He asked me if I’d been on any hot dates since last week and when I asked him the same he said no, though that’s as far as it went.

And then it turned out to be one of those night where you just don’t fall asleep. I didn’t, he didn’t. We tossed and turned, talked for a bit, tried to sleep, he went on a mosquito hunt, and that was just the end of it. I think in the end we both had about half an hour of sleep. We got up tired, he took me back to the train station, kissed goodbye and he went back to bed.

The same day we settled on date number 3. And that presents the first challenge. He’s on tour this weekend, home for a few days, and then leaves to go on tour for two weeks. And just in the days he is home, I need to travel for work. Though at least this time I stay in the country and should finish on time on Wednesday, hopefully that works out if he doesn’t fly too early on Thursday. I happen to have two weeks off from work when he’s on tour, which he knows, and he mentioned to have a look at his agenda and see if he can come home in between shows. Big thing!

So for Wednesday, my plan is to keep it casual. He even mentioned to try and not have sex (bonus points) but then took it back with a joke later. He probably should be careful what he wishes for anyway as my period is due then! I figured if he still wants to see me after his tour, it’s time to carefully steer the conversation to how to go forward.

But yes, I definitely do like him more each time I see him, and that’s a scary thing. The thought that he might actually like me back scares me equally, so just in case he doesn’t, I am trying to not get too excited.