So remember when the Ginger cancelled our third date right before he went on tour? Well, last Sunday he came home. We had a date set for Monday. But before that, on Sunday, I had a little bit of a freak out.
When he was on the train going home from the airport, we were texting back and forth, and he mentioned how he just wanted to relax on his couch with a movie. And then somehow the conversation progressed into having me come over for a blowjob, because what’s better than a movie and a BJ? Stupidly enough, I played along for a bit, but the more and more he kept going, the more I felt backed up into a corner. Yes, I wanted to see him, but I was fully aware that I would give off a signal of being easy and available as a friend with benefits if I were to go. Normally, I would have taken the easy option, avoid talking about it, and just do it. In this case I could do just that, I could not reply to his messages anymore, which would be weird, or I could tell him how I felt, which I never do. I opted for the last option after having a mild panic attack. I didn’t want to come across as needy, but I liked him too much to ruin everything by going there. I told him exactly how I felt; backed up into a corner. He immediately picked up the phone and said that was the last thing he wanted. It started as a joke, and I would stay home and we’d see each other tomorrow and have a fun date. Pfew. I figured if he ended up canceling the next day after all; he’d be a jackass and I’d know what he was after.
He didn’t cancel. He ended up having to cover for a friend for a teaching job, and so he came to my place late in the afternoon. We were supposed to go out and do something as both previous dates, we basically ended up at home. But it turned out he was too tired from traveling and all. We went for about an hour because he wanted to see my town, and then went back home. We talked for a bit, watched some TV and then jumped each other. I have to say I did most of the work. He definitely wanted that blowjob. He’s quite responsive and appreciative, and I enjoyed it alright. He made me stop before he came, took me to the bedroom, and flipped me on all fours.
Afterwards we showered, talked about random stuff, I cooked dinner, he helped out, and it was perfectly comfortable. We watched a movie and went to bed. In the dark, we talked for a long time while he held me. Or rather; he talked and I listened. Eventually, we fell asleep. In the morning we had breakfast and he left just before noon to do his laundry before flying out the next day again.
After he left, I felt a bit sad and didn’t quite know what to do with myself. That feeling subsided, and the next day my insecurities came back in full force.
We were supposed to go out but had yet another house date. I feel like we should be doing exciting stuff to get to know each other. He doesn’t ask a lot of questions. He listens when I talk, but he doesn’t enquire much. I didn’t come. He texted to say he had a good time but appears to be a whole lot slower replying than before. It was too comfortable, easily perceived as boring. I don’t fit in his arms. We didn’t talk about anything important. At all.
So, all in all, I feel like I’m in the dark. Will I see him when he gets back? I hope so and I will definitely ask him to. But I wish I’d have felt more confident after date #3, and I don’t.