The day before

I turn 30 I am carrying so much irritation. So, in an attempt to vent it out, here goes!

I’ve been talking to this guy from OKC, he seems alright, though he’s not my type at all. Sometimes you gotta try something else though. Especially after I told him I am not traveling to his city (whatever happened to a guy coming your way on a first date) because I am tired of traveling for bad dates, and he was a good sport about it. And then I made the mistake of giving him my number. He has been texting me 15 times a day, and today called me when I did not respond. 1; more than 2 texts a day is a turn off for me. 2; I do not do phonecalls. After me not answering, he sent me another message asking when is a good time to call me. By now I am completely turned off and contemplating blocking him. I do not want to have to explain why I don’t want to talk to the phone and get into that conversation. I’ve already lost interest and don’t want to talk about ‘what my other hobbies are.’ Lesson learned. No number giving. Would I be a total bitch if I blocked him off and online?

Then someone (I can’t call him boyfriend) that I took a long time getting over got back in touch with me. He had disappeared into thin air, and 18 months later, here he is. Me being in a happy place didn’t care so much for his comeback. I wasn’t gonna get sucked back in time. There was too much of a cultural difference (He’s in India, an awful story I’ll have to tell you later) and we couldn’t even start looking at options. So we casually exchange messages every now and then about random things. Then one day he calls. Those phonecalls are super expensive, especially for him, so he keeps it short and before hanging up, apologizes heartfelt for disappearing and how he’s hurt me. To my surprise,  (while I accept the apology) I also realize I didn’t need it. Yay. But then somehow he must think he’s in the clear again. Every time we message, he wants to manoeuvre the conversation back to where we left off 2 years again. I didn’t respond to it for a while, and let it go, but then became increasingly irritated. The reason he would call or text at 4am his time is no other than any other guy would; a bootycall. Then last night the same conversation happened and he tried to call me to talk about it. I didn’t answer, he got mad and I ended straight up telling him I’m no slut that is readily available for what he is missing out on back there. Ugh. There is so much more to this story, but it just added to the list of boiling frustrations yesterday!

Lastly, my family is irritating the crap out of me. Here, it is quite common that if someone is turning 30, something is organised for them as it’s quite a big deal. Since I have no partner it would be on my family. I have a brother, sister in law and a sister, and neither of them, nor my parents are feeling compelled. Instead, I am receiving 8 messages between them of when they should be coming over. They know I never celebrate my birthday, and the least I want to do for this one is sit in a circle and drink tea, which is what will happen. Can they not just be a little spontaneous? More over; I am always there for their birthdays, but once again, my brother has cancelled. Third year in a row.

I probably sound petty and am overreacting, but I feel like it’s just adding up. And I a finish typing up, this guy just called me again. Argh!

That time I went speed dating.

I don’t even know where to start. It wasn’t bad… but it was.

So on Thursday me and Selma jump on a train to get the the venue. Both of us had not particularly dressed up, deciding to stick with casual. We got soaking wet in the rain, to the point where my socks were actually wet. I should have take that as a sign. We get in the door, and it turns out the be a bar with little atmosphere. It’s divided up into 2 areas, one by the bar (yay) and one in a room they probably use for events, with harsher light than necessary at things like these. Anyway, we went to register and put our coats away, stealing glances at the people that had already gathered. Let’s just say that the women were much more attractive than the men, and we seriously contemplated running.

We stayed, and it were the women that had to switch tables every 4 minutes. Yes, 4 minutes! An eternity. Turned out they did not have enough people, there were 18 men and 14 women. If I would have been a guy or paid full price, I would have been pissed. Most of them were normal guys, not very interesting, but not horrible either. Most 4 minutes passed easily, but man, it is draining. There was not 1 guy that excited us, and I went into survival mode, and decided to have some fun myself. The ones that I really was not interested in, I told I was a yoga teacher. That’s always a hit, and it didn’t fail this time. Selma was less amused as she came right behind me and had to deal with ‘are you her friend? Do you do yoga as well?’ questions and the like.

There was this one guy though, this was his 30th (!!!) speed dating event. I nearly fell off my chair. He went every Thursday and Friday. He was painfully shy, very unattractive, overweight, farmer that had no hobbies other than his car. He kept staring at me, in that way that makes most women super uncomfortable. I stopped talking at one point (there’s only so far I’ll go) and he didn’t say anything and just stared. He ties with another guy that played the church organ, came from a very religious family, and had once (get this!) bought a ticket to the Philippines to meet with a lady he’d met online. And she cancelled on him a day before he was supposed to leave…Seriously. Where do they get these people from? During break time we mostly spoke to the other women and we all shared the same consensus. Go figure. We downed 2 glasses of wine, and got the hell out of there.

The next day, we got out results. 11 guys had said yes to me. Told you the yoga teacher thing works. Try it! I had said yes to 2 guys, and those put me down for no, so that was an evening well spent! In all fairness, if you go there with no expectations, it’ll be  a fun night. But for us, even though we laughed at the whole thing, it was just weird. We’ll be sticking to the bars and online dating from now on.

A different perspective

I have returned from a week on a Spanish island! It has definitely given me some much needed time to think about stuff, but don’t worry, I won’t change my ways!

A full week of lots of yoga, good food, lounging around at the swimming pool and sightseeing was exactly what I needed. Did I come back completely relaxed? No. I don’t have it in me to stay pool side for a week!

The interesting thing was our group. A group of 12 strangers thrown together in a mountain villa could have gone all kinds of wrong, but actually I had a great time. Funny how you connect with random people, and how women and men think alike, no matter the nationality or culture. Among others, there was an American guy, PJ, and a French girl named Miriam. And Miriam was into PJ. Big time. 

She managed to be hilariously direct and unsubtle, and she was quite clear on her intentions without creating awkward situations. That’s an art. She came onto PJ super strong, being a little too intimate on the Thai massage or flat out asking him if he would have sex with her tonight. While he played along, he rejected her every single time. Watching all that made me think about my own ways and how men react to strong personalities. I probably wouldn’t ask anyone for a one night stand, but I know that sometimes I can be intense. 

Should I be gentler, more feminine, if you will, in my approach? Was PJ intimidated by a powerful woman, or put off by it? It wasn’t exactly the perfect surrounding for sex, but if he had really wanted to, he would have found a way. In my mind, men always want sex. The fact that PJ didn’t, made me see him in a whole different light, and I liked it. 

The two teacher leading the training were husband and wife, married not too long ago, and seeing the way they were with each other almost made me sad. I run after sex, craving male attention, I constantly seek validation and yet I have managed to find none of it. It’s made me bitter sometimes. After all, how come I never met anyone that was interested in more than sex? So I would settle for just that, what else am I supposed to do? These teachers showed all of us true love exists somewhere, no matter how many kids you have, divorced or the things you may have encountered in your past. But if we’re afraid to open our hearts and be vulnerable, how are we supposed to be able to receive?

Ah anyway, reflections. Maybe I’ll be able to find a nice balance. The day I got back I got a message from Sebastien. He had managed to remember I had gone on holiday somehow. I think I will put my newfound learnings into practice and blissfully ignore him! I have promised my friend Selma, who’s fully into the dating game as well but a little more careful, to go speed dating next week. That’s right, speed dating. Oh Lord have mercy.