What’s my name?

I went on a third date with Sean (Why? God doesn’t even know) He continued to text me after date number 2, and I had taken days to respond, and not so enthusiastically at that. It called for an emergency meeting with Anna, who suggested I go. I wasn’t quite sure if he had any potential, and she figured three is a charm, and if not, I wouldn’t have to doubt any longer. Somehow that made sense to me.

Monday night rolled around and the later it got, the less I was looking forward to it. I was expecting awkwardness, especially after that pretend-sleeping text I sent and he never addressed. What I had also told Anna that morning is that I wasn’t sure he actually remembered my name. (He sure is sounding more and more like a catch) Sure it must be in his messages somewhere, but the issue with my name is that it’s practically impossible to pronounce for English speakers from the get-go. Even in Dutch I usually have to say it twice. He’s not asked how to say it, nor has he tried it, so there you go. So I had two goals for that night; make him say my name and have him make me come.

The same key dropping thing happened. But, to my relief, no further awkwardness. He asked what I wanted to see, made drinks, we joked about the fact I had shattered a glass last time, and settled. I was happy that he seemed to be more aware of his surroundings (me) and putting in 0.5% extra effort. What really should have happened here is a proper date, dinner date even, but I had ruined that by going home with him right the first time. Why should he put in that effort when he already got what I wanted? My bad, and so I never brought it up. Before we started the movie, he mentioned he had applied for a job within my company. And therein lies issue number two, and this was an issue with two layers that night. There is not a person in the world that does not know my company. I usually do not mention my employer on a first date, because it has happened where men that were clearly not into me, took me out and expected me to get them in the door. Anyway, I had only told Sean on the second date and to his credit, he had applied before knowing I work there. However, he showed me his resume, which wasn’t bad, but not good enough. He asked if he could send it to me. I said no. He let it rest but then I thought that that would be the perfect way to see if he knew my name. So I told him to send it to my address, which is my name @company.com. Can I spell it for him? Crap. Goal one missed.

We actually watched the whole movie. He was touchy, but didn’t make a move. Generally, he went about it a lot nicer, maybe he felt my mood was a little more distant than last times. When he lifted me off the couch and onto the bed, I was sure that this time it’d go a whole lot better. We had a promising start; or rather he did, but eventually lost it. And then he asked to go without a condom, claiming again that was what was holding him back. I didn’t hesitate to tell him no. Tough luck my friend. ‘Just put it in once?’ I don’t think so. He let it go and asked if I came. No, I need more work than penetration alone. And oh hallelujah, he got to work, hair pulling and all. It wasn’t mindblowing, but it did the job, and I was pleased to not have to help myself and enjoy someone else’s efforts.

Turned out it was only 10pm when he asked if I wanted to go for a drink. Wow. What’s gotten into him? But sure. Off we went, down the cold and windy streets while he talked on the phone. Romantic, isn’t it? Once at the bar I again let him talk to see if he would go as far as to show an interest in me, but that was too much to ask for. Still, it amused me. I actually amuse me, because my biggest downfall is not speaking about anything. Not to boyfriends, not to family and not to friends. If no one asks me a question you will never get to how I actually feel about stuff. Ask me how I am and I will tell you I’m good, ask me how my day was and it was fine but if you don’t want to know anything else about it, it’s all you’ll get. I can hang out with someone for months and be quite close, without me telling them any personal things simply because they haven’t asked. I am great at chit-chat, have an opinion on everything, but I shut down on personal matters. I take it as disinterest, but I’m not offended by it. I know this about myself, and see it as kind of a game to see if people actually want to get to know me. Needless to say it backfires a lot, too. Anyway, he tells his stories, I nod and ask questions, he goes off to say hello to someone, and after one drink we go back.

He puts on another movie; I had work in the morning and so dozed off. When he sees that he asks if I’m falling asleep on him, and tells me to take off my pants. What? Someone is clearly left unsatisfied. He does it for me, takes off his own clothes and swings my legs over his shoulders. He’s actually really hard, and he’s hitting that spot that sometimes takes my breath away. I know he’s coming, and love it when he does. I love the sound of a man having an orgasm. And hello; finally. I am arrogant enough to think I had nothing to do with his incompetence, but I had been wondering if I had come across my first man with erection problems.

In the morning I had a quick shower, heard him messing around in the kitchen in the meantime, and I was relieved he had picked up on the fact I was not amused with his stunt the last time. But when I came out of the bathroom, he was in bed, completely still. I moved around, packed my bag, put on my shoes, and not holding back noise wise. He didn’t flinch. I stood there. Was he being serious? I had really thought that maybe the fact he had been able to come with me would stand for something. I contemplated leaving a note, yelling at him, but in the end I just left. Last time I was not amused, this time I was angry. I didn’t text him, and at the end of the day when I came home after yoga class, he had texted me asking how my days was. OK, so maybe I wouldn’t let him get away with it. I texted him back that my day had been alright, though I had had better starts where I had not been thrown out in a passive aggressive way like a cheap one night stand.

Definitely the wrong thing to say. Obviously I felt negativity coming from him to say such a thing? If that were true he apologized, but I could have woken him up if I cared about it so much. He had a point, sure, but it should not have to come to the point of me having to wake him up.

Exit Sean.

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